A Little Something (Else) About Me

I would like to tell you a little more about myself than I have.  To do this I have chosen to use my writing and I have chosen a poem called Swelling Pain to begin because of what it is about.  It is a descriptive poem inspired by free writing.  It began as just rambling about how much my arthritus caused me pain as I wrote.  At the time, the pain was excruciating.  The irony in it is that physically writing is one of my favorite things to do and my pain makes me suffer through it.  There is nothing I enjoy more than sliding a freshly sharpened pencil point over a pile of lined paper, creating the organized appearance to become a mess.  The mess of the paper is what I strive for, whether it is caused by my big, harsh handwriting, or the words that are composed.  One of my favorite messes goes like this...

 

Swelling pain

I can almost feel

my joints rubbing together.

It's an ache that lies

almost as deep as the marrow.

With every pencil stroke I create,

the ache seeps deeper and deeper

moving to the core of my wrist,

and traveling, creeping up my elbow,

to drill into it's core as well.

Every finger pushing on my pencil

aches as well.

Each knuckle filling with air,

waiting to be cracked...

waiting to make the person next to me

cringe in disgust

to the unwanted noise.

And now I know what comes next...

...the numbness.

This poem describes me the best.  It contains my love for writing, and the pain that it causes me.  My entire life revolves around the pain and restrictions and it hurts both physically and mentally.

I have been writing for years and began putting together portfolios in 2003.  At the end of every one or two years of writing I have gone back and looked for my favorite works and made a collection dedicated to them and decorated them as I feel appropriate.  I have had a few poems published in small books, but keep most of my writing to myself.  I use my writing to vent and therefore it tends to come out very morbid.  I do not share my writing very often because I feel many people will judge me by it.

The Blues Make it Better

From November 7-9th Nova Southeastern held it's annual Blues festival.  I was looking forward to it for so long, but the day before I got very sick.  I was so upset that I did not think I could go, but my friends knew me better than that.  My friends knew that I was going to go anyway, so instead of fighting me, just went with me.  

Even though I was sick, I still managed to have fun.  There was great food, great music and a phenomenal atmosphere.  The music went on all night and I made may friends stay and listen with me.  We sat on the grass watching the little kids run by chasing each other, and the older couples dancing around.  I love music, in all its forms, and especially love the saxophone.  There were quite a few extremely talented saxophone players, along with all the other talented musicians.    

I am very happy that our campus held this event.  I feel that bringing things like this around create more variety in people's lives.  From what I have seen, I do not think many students listen to the blues, and because of this event they had the chance to experience to open their cultural boundaries and indulge in something new.  I appreciate that the school holds such events and am looking forward to attending any more in the future as student here at Nova.

Return to Paradise

Within the last week my professor had my class watch the film Return to Paradise.  It was an amazing movie and would suggest it to absolutely anybody.  It is the type of movie that almost anybody can relate to.  What affected me the most about the movie was the irony in the reason Lewis was imprisoned, and ultimately killed.

The first reason was when Lewis was attempting to be the nice person by bringing back the bike that got destroyed when Shariff, Lewis and Tony were riding it down a hill and almost hit a truck and veered off into the woods. In the movie Lewis is always the person who acts more for others than himself. This affected me because I always try to be a more mature person and act for others before myself and in the end seem to always get the shorter end of the stick.

The next reason the irony affected Lewis so severely is that the whole reason he stayed behind was to save the orangutang being captured.  He was such a good hearted person, and deserved what happened to him the least out of all three of them.  He even almost made an emotional impact on Shariff right before he went back home to New York.  When Lewis is trying to convince him that he is a better guy than he thinks himself to be Shariff simply denies it saying that he doesn't have it in him to be like Lewis.  The irony in this is that Shariff is the only one that stays to try to save Lewis' life on the end of the movie.

The entire movie is full of both humorous and intense irony.  It makes the movie extremely entertaining and intensely touching.     

Canada, Home of the...Humble?

Americans are known for taking pride in their country.  As an American myself I know how hardcore the patriots here can get.  According to Sarah Vowell in her article Cowboys v. Mounties she talks about how Canadians are very different.  She implies that Canadians are more humble in the way they show their pride in their country.  She directly states "On the CBC, all these nice people, seemingly normal but for the hockey obsession, had a likable knack for loving their country in public without resorting to swagger or hate."  This line shows how she believes that they are much nicer about their patriotism.  It is implied that Americans are the opposite and that they force their opinions on others.  

Another clue to her opinion is her description of cowboys and mounties.  In the article she explains how cowboys are "cool"  and that they are most commonly depicted as the "lone rangers."  She is saying that thy are stereotypically tough and intimidating.  On the other hand she explains how mounties are the total opposite and are not meant to be symbols of fear.  She uses these figures to symbolize the people themselves.  It represents the calmness of the Canadians and the agressiveness of the Americans.

Sarah Vowell derives these opinions from her own experiences and I agree with her.  Though I have never been to Canada, based on my distant experiences I believe, as well, that Canadians are humble in their patriotic views and that Americans are agressive.

Language

Words, wrods, wdros, wrdos…what is the difference?  Language is composed of words which is composed of letters, which are composed of lines.  What is it that makes these words so full of meaning?  It is the meaning that humans put behind them and the context in which they are used.  I have had a fascination with the human language since I was a child. 

            My amazement was brought about by my father.  As children most get put into “time-outs,” I however was told to copy down pages of the dictionary.  I was born with the condition dyslexia and had a hard time learning how to use words.  Being told to copy all those words and their definitions helped me to become more diverse in my vocabulary and gave me the ability to articulate myself very well. 

            Over time I have become a recreational writer in order to use my acquired skill.  I use my writing to express myself and have come to enjoy doing it.  I write poetry, short stores and have attempted to write multiple books.  It has slowly become my obsession.

            As any other obsession, it can rule my life.  I can be consumed for days, upon days by my writing.  I have even written a poem containing nothing but my favorite words and definitions.  I would love to continue improving my vocabulary and using it in my everyday life.

            Language is more then words, however.  I also enjoy expressing language through art.  I do this by sketching and painting.  I paint on full and queen sized sheets with water based acrylic paint.  I sketch small on paper and choose to turn my sketches into large scale in order to fully express them. 

            Whenever I finish a piece I try to put words to it.  I either relate it to a poem or short story I have already written, or I create new words for them.  I have recently been wanting to include my writing with my paintings, but have yet to execute this idea.  I have even had the idea of turning and entire book into a highly illustrated painting.

            Language can be used in many ways.  I would encourage people to get involved in as many ways as they possibly can.  I would love to show the infinite amount of ways that people can use language.  Finally I will always appreciate the many ways that it is already expressed, being socially acceptable or not.

Anybody love language as much as I?

Into the Anatomy of Chris McCandless

The first word that comes to mind when I think of the main character of Into the Wild is respect.  His name is Chris McCandless and he has done something that not many people would be able to bring themselves to do.  He stripped himself of all material objects, packed up only what was absolutely necessary to survive, donated all his money to charity, burned whatever was left in his wallet...and went into the wild.  He disconnected himself from his family as well.  In doing this he was able to become the purest he possibly could.  To further distance himself he changed his name to Alexander Supertramp.

Alex is a very intriguing person to me.  I feel so connected to him because it is something I have always wanted to do myself.  I have so much respect for him for being able to pull through with it.  I am hoping to live in Australia for about four years, and at the end of that, somehow make it to Alaska.  I want to leave with nothing but a back pack of belongings and have no intentions in communicating with anybody during my journey.  I also have to specific time limit for this, I want to avoid as many restrictions as possible.

I hope that I am able to "succeed" just as Alex did.  I also relate to his feeling towards his family.  I believe I would be successful because I do not have many ties at home.  I do not have a big, close family as others may have, and I like to be believe I am extremely independent, even at my young age.  I look at Alex as a role model for my own future and plan in  following in his inspirational footsteps.

My Place as a Citizen and Student

Everyone has their own views on what it means to be an American citizen.  Not one person's perspective can be considered right or wrong, because of the freedom given to us by our country.  Being both a citizen and a student I can connect them to make both experiences more fulfilling.  I can use my education to learn about my rights and obligations that I can utilize in my everyday life.  

So far in my life I have formed my own opinion on what I must give back to my state and country.  I know that I am not obligated to join the military, or risk my life for my country because of the freedom it has given me.  My only civic duty is to use my rights and education to form my own opinion and vote.  I am to try my best to make the most acceptable and feasible choice in the presidential elections.  This is the best way to represent my country and add my own input in attempts to improve it.

Many kids my age (18) tend to ignore their civic duties.  They ignore their right to vote, or choose candidates for unrealistic reasons.  This makes it harder for society to take them seriously and harder for them to expand their political views.  This close-minded attitude is what gives kids a bad reputation and I find that my biggest duty as a citizen and a student is to not follow this example.